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AFC Tattenhall Midweek Report

24th April 2021 @ 6:06am – by Sport & Leisure Tattenhall
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Henry VIII and His Six ... Charlie Cooke, AFC Tattenhall

On the 512th anniversary of Henry VIII's ascension to the throne of England, Tattenhall faced Upton in a game which bore many similarities to the late King's reign. Just a little teaser, Henry had 6 wives – this game had six goals. There's more to come.

Only 2 days on from its triumph at the weekend, Tattenhall went into battle again against Upton Youth Centre. The game kicked off to the sound of the referee's bugle call and Upton's captain immediately sent his cavalry forward. They charged through the Tattenhall defence like the invasion of France and speared the ball into the net.

Henry was a ruthless ruler who dispatched all those who got on the wrong side of him, and Upton may well rue getting on the wrong side of this majestic Tattenhall team. The scores were quickly level with a goal similar to the 'Gonadgate' goal of Sunday. But even Dutton's crown jewels weren't getting in the way of this one, as a Withe cross was swept home quite expertly by the ever-imperious McGowan. Midfielder Harper had a short but productive half hour on the pitch before the soft tissues in his shoulder muscles were ripped to shreds by an almighty hack from Upton's skipper. I will briefly quote the conversation which preceded the resulting free kick:

Chris Noden: I'm taking this free kick
Everybody else: Please don't take this free kick, anybody else should take this.
Chris Noden: You just watch me....

And so his courtiers watched, as Christopher Henry Tudor Noden walloped the ball into the top corner which literally resulted in stunned silence. No one could quite believe what was happening, but Tattenhall was now leading and the bit was well and truly between its teeth now. Ben Richardson had replaced Harper in midfield and was running the show; Kyle Evans on the left and James Withe on the right were terrorizing the Upton defence and the irrepressible Wilson bossing the right hand side with aplomb.

Evans' performance deserved a goal, or so everyone was thinking, as he won a tackle on the edge of Upton's battlements the ball fell to Noden as he curled a little peach of a shot into the corner. Evan's got what he deserved moments later as he rose highest at the back post to nod in a deft little header. What a goal, and what a performance from the young Welshman. Evans recently celebrated his 21st birthday, and if games like this are to go on, then we could see Evans at the pinnacle of his career in a Tattenhall shirt for the next 30 years at least!

In the second half of his reign, King Henry dissolved the monasteries, and proclaimed himself head of the Church, and in the second half of this game, Shaun Wetherby, Phil Southern and Collen Mutete dissolved each and every Upton attack as they were proclaimed Kings of the Defence by their adoring followers. Keeper Bowker didn't have too much to do in the second half but still managed to grab a sort-of-assist. He parried the ball out to Richardson who played an absolutely golden through ball to send Withe through on goal. He rounded the keeper and scored the fifth and final goal of the game. There was still time for a trademark Cooke clearance off the line, and a bulldozing cameo from Josh Coll to round off a pretty perfect game of football.

The only things missing from this wonderfully regal performance were a couple of beheadings, but I think we can all agree that nobody lost their head this evening. What a beautiful night.

With thanks as always to Spar Tattenhall and Cheshire Farm Ice Cream for their support.

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